whew doggie...

I am not feeling well today at all. Achy body, sore throat and I worked a whole day.... But enough complaining. Just got back from my brothers baseball game. I love my brothers I don't know what I'd do without them. They are such a joy to watch grow up. They are almost like my kids!! Jeffrey's youngest brother got baptized this past Sunday by Daniel the youth Pastor at Dogwood. Its such a great feeling knowing that your family has made the decision to accept Christ. There is nothing like experiencing from the outside a commitment of someone you love to trust in God. We've been so busy.. Like always it seems. I can't say its a bad thing, just can't say its a good thing either. 

Sometimes life just really gets you. You know? Like all at once.. a billion questions that seem like they need to be answered right now, just swarm into your brain. When will we have our own place? Are we going to go to school? Which one? When will we be debt free, Dave? But I know I'm guilty of trying to do all these things on my own. I heard something recently that gave me chills... Temptation is the attack on trusting God. Trust  me... It will hit you either RIGHT NOW.. or in a day. I found myself constantly attacking my trust on God recently. The questions seemed to be turned to God.. God, when will we have our own place?! God, are we going to school?! God, which one should we go to? God, when will we be debt free?! God, we are working so hard.. can we have a small break?!.. You may not want to be honest with yourself.. But I've thought that a lot recently. As I write this my heart is breaking... "How can I think like this?" God must be so disappointed in me. I feel like my heart is so NOT trusting.. and Jeffrey's is a Solid Rock. Sometimes I'm a tad jealous at how sure he is on EVERYTHING, but then other times I appreciate the way God made me. My eyes are wide open. My Mind is wide open. My heart, however is growing.  

I find that when I am lacking in the trust department is when I learn the most. So I try to tell myself, be patient, wait, be still and listen. I have to admit this is not me AT ALL! I like to run fast, scream loud and paint with BRIGHT colors, break the "types" and yet fit in with them all. I like talk and not listen... I don't like to wait.. I hate being still and I'm wayyyy not patient. So these are things I am trying to be. I'm speechless now... I'm listening now... I'm waiting now.. I'm patient now.... His timing is perfect. I believe it, But I'm guilty of not practicing it daily. I can admit that.  God is Love and His Love is MORE than enough for me. In all areas of my life I choose to believe that!

In His AMAZING Grace,

Jessica